| May 16 |
[20 Jan 2009|09:02pm] |
I have such a horrible case of senioristis...
May 16th couldn't come soon enough.
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[18 Sep 2008|09:15pm] |
Dear livejournal,
I have a new blog. Don't worry I will still keep you. I just won't be writing in you as much. If ever. You can visit my new blog at www.mysterysalad.blogspot.com. I write in it almost everyday if not more.
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| Weird |
[28 Jul 2007|08:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 happy |
] |
Caleb called me today and broke up with me
and strangely enough I am more happy than I've every been
Weird
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[09 Jul 2007|09:50pm] |
So I logged on with the intention of writing a serious entry but I don't want to anymore.
The end.
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| I sit and stare |
[06 Jul 2007|04:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
My Favorite Highway |
] |
I sit and stare at the computer screen...
thinking of what to type.
I have so many thoughts racing through my head that it's not that I don't have anything to say...
it's more a matter of where to start.
For some reason I can't keep my mind focused to think...
so many things.
so many.
I just want to run away sometimes.
Not for long but just long enough to clear my head.
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| Concentration is an art |
[05 Jun 2007|09:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Sound of my fan |
] |
Sometimes I wonder if anyone reads this anymore.
I didn't write in it for such a long time that maybe people forgot about me.
Which is understandable.
Maybe no one reads this.
Maybe not even one person.
Maybe that's okay
I have had so many things on my mind lately that much of the time it's hard to think.
Much of the time it's hard to concentrate.
I find it more and more difficult to articulate my feelings.
I can't concentrate to finish this...
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[27 May 2007|11:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 disappointed |
] |
so I sit here 11 o'clock at night.
So many things to say.
To tell you.
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| Singing Along |
[13 May 2007|02:28pm] |
As I sit here in my dorm room staring out the widow I see people moving their stuff out.
And it hits me. It really hits me.
That I won't see these people for 3 months.
Some of them I may never see again.
A lot of people aren't returning in the fall.
They are either graduating, transfering, or just dropping out.
In the one year that I've been here these people have helped me more than they will ever know or realize.
They have become more than just faces I see on the sidewalk or in the classroom.
They have become more than just my peers.
They have become family.
I know to some it sound silly.
How could these people in just a year become so important to me.
Especailly when I don't even see all of them every single day.
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| Final Final Final |
[11 May 2007|11:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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cranky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kelly Clarkson |
] |
So I am home until Sunday afternoon.
I busted my butt all day today working on my Acts folder. I finally finished just in time. Now all I have to do is write my 3 counseling papers tomorrow once I'm finished working and I will be done.
Today when I got home I started working on my Hebrew History and Lit study guide for the final.
I just want to be done with school.
I need a break.
I got so angry/frustrated today at everything that was going on.
Literally every little thing that happened I wanted to SCREAM
Sometimes LCC makes me so mad.
I just don't understand why people there do the things they do.
And to top it all off Caleb's not even here for me to vent to.
I could call him but I wouldn't want to ruin his birthday weekend.
So I will wait until he comes back and tell him all about my horrible horrible Friday.
I hope that is all I have to tell him about.
Because to have a horrible weekend would just be horrible.
I should probably be getting to bed soon since I am going to work at 6.
I need the extra hours.
I also need to make my mother something for mother's day.
Is it Sunday afternoon yet????
Things to get done:
Counseling word study
Counseling attachments paper
Counseling paper
HHL study guide
Start Intro to Bible study guide
Review CCL notes
Sunday night study for ACTS final with Rob and Jake.
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| Toys R Us Kid |
[10 May 2007|11:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Fallout Boy |
] |
There are so many things I need to write about.
There are so many things I should be doing besides writing.
I still have two classes that I need to finish assignments in but I just can't seem to stay motivated long enough to finish them.
Tomorrow is the last day I will be able to turn them in.
I am finished with my first year of Bible College.
I am finished with my first year of living away from home.
We have out finals next week.
After finals I have a week of summer term and then I'll be back at home for the summer.
The goal this summer is to stay as BUSY as possible.
Plans:
Taking two summer classes through video
Life of Christ 2
and
History of the Restoration Movement
Work, Work, Work
4Seasons
4th of July at Caleb's
July 8-13 Camp
Fishing with Shana in Streator
Plan SFG for the semsester
Get ready to go to Africa in December
I really hope this summer goes by fast.
I've come to the conclusion that I have commitment issues.
After breaking up with Adam 2 years ago and breaking up with Bryan in January and now being in a relationship with Caleb I find myself more scared than I've ever been.
Scared and excited at the same time.
Caleb's not physically the type of guy that I would go for but he's adorable in his own way.
He is very cynical.
He has a very unique sense of humor.
He and I are very similar in a lot of ways.
I however am much more compassionate towards people than he is.
The future for him and I will be very interesting.
We are going to begin this relationship long distance since it's the end of the year and he lives in Indiana.
During December/January I will in Africa.
And beginning in January he will be on his internship who knows where.
Then he will graduate and the following fall I will be on my internship.
It's funny how things work and how you have no idea what kind of timing life will bring you.
I'm not looking that far into the future. I am however aware of what is ahead or should I say what could be ahead.
Which is why I think I get so scared.
I dream of being married and becoming a mom but when I think of it actually happening it scares the crap out of me.
I guess that's because I'm not married and I'm not a mom.
It hit me today that I have actually been here for a year.
And that I've met some of the most amazing people here.
When I think about leaving for the summer is makes me want to cry.
But then I think about Bloomington and how much I gave up to come to Lincoln and how much I miss Bloomington.
But nothing is the same.
When I go back it will be like starting new all over again.
It will be just me this summer.
Working on becoming the best person I can be.
I'm not sure how one does that but I will try and figure it out.
I really need to get this homework finished.
At least the stuff for my Acts class.
The other stuff I can do some time tomorrow.
But Acts I have to have turned in before I leave for Bloomington at 3.
I should probably get started on it right now.
Hopefully I will write more in here this summer.
I should have put that on my Plans for summer list.
Hello Bloomington
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| Been a long time coming |
[05 Oct 2006|11:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 distressed |
] |
I haven't written in what seems like forever.
I miss writing.
I miss my friends.
But I do not miss Bloomington.
I dread going there.
I'm not exactly sure why.
I love achool even though it is kicking my butt.
I love all the girls on my floor.
I can't imagine myself being at any other school.
Things are going fairly well in my life right now...
I'm interested in someone here at school.
It's eddie's roommate.
You'd think that would be weird but it's not...
He's a really great guy and I enjoy spending time with him and getting to know him.
It's so amazing to have a group of girls and guys (our brother floor) that you can just go to when you need something.
My friends here are amazing.
I just hope that I help them as much as they help me.
I do however miss friends from Bloomington...
I miss Sally, Amy, and Beth and being able to hang out with them and talk with them all the time...
I miss Courtney...even though we're not really friends anymore I still miss talking to her and hanging out with her.
I wish she wasn't doing the things she's doing.
It hurts me to see my friends ruining their lives and not knowing how to help them.
I haven't talked to her in I don't even know how long.
I call her all the time and leave her messages, I've left her myspace comments, and I've imed her...but nothing.
And that's okay I guess... I mean at least she knows that I'm trying.
When really I guess I shouldn't be because she's not doing anything to try.
But I can't just abandoned friends.
I will always be there for Courtney whether she realized it or not.
Late last week I deleted myspace.
It was a spur of the moment decision.
I just felt that it was consuming too much of my time...
But earlier this week I realized that I did enjoy myspace...
So I made a new friends only myspace.
That way I don't end up with 400+ friends again.
I'm excited to have this weekend off work.
I'm looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday...
Enjoying the day...
Doing homework...
Hanging out with friends...
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| Living in a Dream |
[28 Apr 2006|03:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sounds from the Break Room |
] |
So I had a weird dream last night.
In the dream I called Eddie to see what he was doing.
He told me he was at steak n shake and he was like you should come.
And I was like I'm really tired so I don't know.
Well after I thought about it I was like okay I'll come out there.
And he was like okay well that's fine you don't have to come if you don't want to.
I'll just see you tomorrow.
And then he hung up.
And then I started to cry cause I was like I said I would be there.
It was really weird.
I'm really trying to not get jealous
Because there's nothing to get jealous about.
But sometimes it's hard.
I started a prayer journal which has been helping.
Beth and I are going to Lincoln tomorrow and I can't wait.
I'm going again on Tuesday since I don't work.
I'm gonna sit in on classes with Twylla
I'm ready to go home
I'm at work
of course.
livejournal is like one of the only sites I can get on from here all the other ones are blocked.
I have to start putting up the doorbusters soon and then I'm going home.
I'm going to the Depot tonight to see my friend Jason he's in a play there.
p.s. we just got a really cute purse in and I'm pretty much going to buy it.
The end
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[26 Apr 2006|09:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
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blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The thoughts in my HEAD |
] |
I don't think he realizes how much he means to me.
He gave the message at house church last night and
all I could think about (besides what he was talking about)
was how I am hopelessly in love with him.
I just kept thinking....I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy
There's some major drama going on right now.
Well I guess I shouldn't say that.
There are somethings going on currently
that are not my problem nor are they Eddie's
but yet we were brought into the situation a while ago.
So I sat and talked to him for about 2 hours at steak n shake this morning.
Talking about everything except for the one thing I knew I wanted to talk to him about.
I did however tell him that my mom wanted to meet him and have him go out to dinner with us.
He said he would go but I'm not sure if he really wants to.
I've been realizing through a lot of things
that I need to change.
There are some people really close to me that I have found out don't like me sometimes.
And as much as I don't care what people think about me or how they feel about me these aren't just any people.
These are Tyler and Bryan.
Tyler is Eddie's brother and Bryan is one of Eddie's best friends.
I can't have them not like me.
Tyler is the one that gets to me the most.
He is always saying that he hates me
and I know when he says it he is joking
but when someone says that to you almost everyday
somedays you start to wonder.
And maybe I'm being overly emotional and thinking way too much into things.
But I'm a girl
what am I suppose to do.
Well I should go because I'm at work.
I came in early today.
BLAH BLAH BLAH
p.s. beth got her wisdom teeth out yesterday , she's doing really well.
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| It's not that I can't live without you, it's that I don't want to... |
[03 Apr 2006|02:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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DHT:"Listen to your heart" (it's on 101.5) |
] |
I've never felt this way before
it's amazing and scary all at the same time.
I can honestly say with all my heart
That I love you and couldn't picture my life with anyone else.
God is so amazing.
He has put amazing people in my life I don't know what I would do without them.
Danville this weekend was horrible.
If Beth hadn't been there with me I would have lost my mind.
Thankfully she is an amazing friend and rode along with me.
It's funny how God works.
Bringing people into your life that you never thought he would.
I could never thank him enough for everything he has done for me.
I wouldn't even know where to begin.
This weekend Beth, Eddie, and I will be going to a conference in Detroit.
I can't wait.
Also school is almost finished
and I couldn't be happier.
That means I'm that much closer to Lincoln.
19 weeks till I move.
7 weeks till I go to Texas
14 weeks till Cornerstone.
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| HIBERNATION |
[08 Mar 2006|01:28pm] |
I have been extremely frustrated with the following:
my life
the way things are going
my decisions
my lack of committment
my inability to do what God is telling me
doubt
fear
rejection
school
work
people
my laziness
my inability to express my feelings
the future
and
guys
I have decided that I am not getting on myspace or livejournal for awhile.
I'm not really sure how long this while will be.
Probably a long while.
Myspace is worthless
Livejournal is drama.
I don't want it.
I don't need it.
email: myssylala@hotmail.com
cell: 261*5196
im: bashfulquestion
if by some slim chance you are wanting to contact me.
THE END
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[20 Feb 2006|06:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
Jealousy is not a good quality to have nor is it attractive.
I had to fight every being in my body that wanted to walk out of Tc Buzz tonight and just run home and cry.
Why because I'm a foolish girl.
I never wanted to be that girl that got jealous for no reason.
And I won't allow myself to be her.
So I decided tonight that no matter how hard it may be I just have to suck it up and deal with everything and if things are meant to work out they will.
In other news after Eddie left to take Rachel home Tyler stayed and he's a really nice kid.
He grows on you after getting to know him.
In other other news I made my first hat tonight.
I must confess I didn't use needles to knit it.
I used a loom.
But none the less I made my first hat.
So I am taking requests.
Currently I am making hats for the following:
Tyler -any color
Steve-manly color
Mike- green/yellow
Eddie-any color
Lonnie- hunter green/ manly color
so if you would like a hat I would be more than happy to make one for you.
I love it.
I'm actually gonna go make another one.
I work at 9
but I don't even care
I want to keep making hats.
now class what have we learned today...
*jealousy is not a good quality to have nor is it attractive
*tyler is a cool kid
*Hats are fun to make
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| Mixed Emotions |
[21 Jan 2006|06:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Natasha Benningfield |
] |
you told me you felt like "the band" is a relationship gone bad but you just can't seem to take yourself away from it. That it's like a relationship where nothing going right and you know you shouldn't be in it. It's like an upset stomach. I laughed in your face because it's kinda like your relationship now, isn't it? After I laughed you told me that's why you liked me. You were about to tell me I looked cute but stopped yourself because you knew I would get upset. And I would. In my mind I find it so easy to distance myself from you and move on. But in my heart I find it more difficult each day. But I know that I'm on my way. I don't get butterflies when I see you. You don't always make me smile. It's a start.
Last night I found myself getting mad for no reason. Well I should say no justifiable reason. I have a "reason" why but it's stupid and I shouldn't be getting upset about any of it. I don't know if I'm jealous or if I'm just being weird. I don't think it's jealousy. The situation almost made me laugh aloud which would have been worse so instead I laughed in my head. That's what I do the entire time we all are together. I don't know why it makes me upset but yet I find it so humorus? When I am in Lincoln I won't have to worry about any of this.
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| Lyrics #7 |
[23 Nov 2005|03:00pm] |
"Are You Real?"-KJ-52 ft. Jon Micah
so much stress keeps running through my mind now
I fell into a mess that I wish that I could climb out
I guess I'll hide it so nobody will find out
that way everyone thinks that everything is fine now
at home things are messed up with mom and dad
and at school all my friends stab me in the back
no one is real anymore I hate the way they act
there is so many things that I wish I had
so God if you're there do you understand?
don't you care about anything that's happening?
it's not fair to put me through all this junk again
you see that I'm scared so help me if you can
so please speak loud and clear cuz I'm listening
I need to know that you're real cuz I'm struggling
you need to show that you're here cuz I'm stumbling
show me that you care and this is why I'm saying this
are you real I want to know
are you real then let it go
are you real I want to know
are you real then let it show
it was right then when everything it began to change
I started looking at these things in a different way
I saw life through God's eyes and it wasn't the same
that was right at the time I called on your name
and then I saw all the lies that was thrown my way
I recognized that I need you and on that day
I cried out and seeked you that was when you came
now that I see you I've been through a major change
and I believe you are real cuz it's so plain
I finally I feel that I can make it through anything
it don't matter what they speak or if they hate
they can't keep me down no more cuz I've seen your face
and from now never will I be ashamed
cuz ima stand strong I won't bend or sway
now that I know that you're real it's gonna be ok
I hear you speaking in my ear and this is what you say
chorus
see there is a war that's going on outside
you can try and ignore it and just run and hide
but everyday more and more people die
see the battle is for souls and we are on the front lines
so many soldiers are too scared to fight
they're too worried about what people thinking of they life
how can you fight if you won't lay down your pride
and how will anyone see if you won't shine your light
so many of your friends is walking around blind
and you've got the source that can open up they eyes
it's yalls choice what you'll do with your lives
but I'm gonna go to war cuz I've made up my mind
Jesus gave his life when he went and died
so the least that I could do is just give him all of mine
so how many of yall are ready to fight by my side
cuz this is what he's saying right now here tonight
chorus
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| Lyrics #6 |
[23 Nov 2005|02:58pm] |
Comfort Zone-Everyday Sunday
I'm sitting here again
Another Sunday morning
Trying to figure out just who to be
I can't keep going on like this
I've got to break away
CHORUS
Whoah, whoah
Everything I've said is over
Whoah, whoah
I can't take this any longer
Whoah, whoah
I need to get out of this zone
Whoah, whoah
I hope you see where I'm coming from
It's time to make a move
Change my fate
Let go of all the things that feed my complacency
Don't wanna be a wannabe
CHORUS
No more wasted days anymore
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